Dale Carnegie once said “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”  Sounds negative, yes, sometimes the truth doesn’t tickle the ears and sound pretty but truer words were never spoken.

The sooner you are able to get out of your head and leave behind your preferences, desires and ways of doing things the better off you’ll be.  Getting into the heads of others and looking at things they way they do is the most important thing you can learn to do.  Sales people, at least the good ones, recognize this and usually make an attempt to understand potential customers before trying to sell them something. -And yes, it’s possible to overdo that by getting overly friendly and familiar with your subjects.

I think its important for everyone to engage in this practice.  It doesn’t matter with whom you are dealing, a solid understanding of what motivates others and careful assimilation of those factors into your interactions is the most important thing you can do to ensure productive human relations.

I don’t care that you have one blue thingie left and you sell it to me at a deep discount. I hate blue and it reminds me of my ex-wife. If you had taken the time to learn about my preferences you’d know that.  How do you learn about my preferences and worldview?  Ask a few questions then SHUT UP and let me talk.  Most people enjoy talking about themselves, their accomplishments and their worldview. Problem is, you are I share that fondness for talking about ourselves and always find ways to work ourselves back into the spotlight.  In the meantime, while you’re mind is busy thinking of what to say next, you miss key elements of what I’m saying.

Your customer doesn’t care that you’ve had a hard day and you’re short staffed and nobody knows how hard you work…bla bla bla. Oh sure, maybe your momma cares, and  your therapist -as long as you pay your therapy bill but for the most part, customers what what they want, when they want it, for the reasons they want it and as conveniently as possible.

The most successful people in the world are those who can set aside the human tendency to focus on ourselves to the detriment of missing what other people are saying, thinking and feeling.  You and I prefer to do business with companies and individuals who obsess about my needs, desires and worldview.  Showing me you understand me starts with actually understanding me then addressing my needs as if you’d rather serve me than breathe. I’m sick of businesses and professionals that think “build it and they will come” is enough. I’m not alone when I stand up and demand “IMPRESS ME”.  Trust me, if you’re little local shoe store doesn’t carry the extra wide shoes I need, I’ll sit at home and order from zappos.com.  You can whine and moan all day but you’ve left me with no options. The internet and a handful of merchants who obsess over customer service are making survival more difficult for local merchants who worship at the altar of mediocrity.

Mr. Carnegie’s advise can and should be applied broadly.  It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about relations with customers, colleagues, family members, friends or lovers; focusing your attention of the ‘other’ person as if the world revolved around them is the easiest way to influence them. Your attempts to genuinely understand the worldview of any human being you encounter will be rewarded with better relationships.  It doesn’t matter if you are trying to sell me a pair of shoes or trying to convince me to mow the yard; the secret to influencing another human being begins with setting aside your worldview and adopting mine.